I filled out the postpartum depression screening at my midwife follow-up visit last week. You may be familiar with it— you rank yourself on feelings such as “I have been able to laugh and see the funny side of things,” “I have looked forward with enjoyment to things,” “I have been anxious or worried for no good reason,” “I have felt scared or panicky for no very good reason.”
I’m lucky that, postpartum-wise, I’m feeling good. But it struck me immediately that if you applied these questions to how we’re doing here in month 23 of Pandemic Life, myself and everyone I know would be triggering some pandemic depression alarms.
Panic, anxiety, worry, and fear are everywhere— in people’s faces, bodies, news feeds, spirits.
Laughter, enjoyment, and looking forward to things? Rare and fleeting.
If you or anyone you know is having thoughts of suicide, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
If you feel severely depressed or anxious, seek professional help through a licensed mental health professional.
For those of us who feel basically ok in the big picture, but are struggling with the ongoing toll of pandemic life in the day to day, is there anything we can do to feel better?
The phrase that came into my head during meditation yesterday was, “Put your energy where your agency is.”
I don’t know about you, but the feeling of bashing my head against the wall is wearing me out. WHY won’t people get vaccinated??? WHY won’t Joe Manchin vote to help people take care of their families??? WHY did daycare send my child home again when he does not have even a hint of a fever??? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY???
The global and the national and the personal blend together into one icky frustration smoothie that I feel compelled to drink. Do you have that feeling, too?
I’m wondering what happens if we reduce our consumption of frustration smoothie. If we bang our heads into pillows instead of walls. (I’m terrible at this, by the way. Believing I should be able to change other people’s behaviors by sheer force of how much I want them to change their behaviors is a deeply ingrained habit of mine.)
One practice I’m experimenting with this week is trying to get clearer on what I can control and what I can’t control. I’m a list maker, so I’ve been making lists. On the cannot side, I’m trying to move away from the wishful controlling and be honest about all that’s out of my hands. On the can side, I’m trying to come up with small, doable actions.
For example:
I cannot control case numbers, vaccination rates, senatorial votes, or when the little kid vaccine gets approved.
I can breathe in for a count of 6 and out for a count of 6 for a few minutes and feel my nerves start to chill out.
I can donate money to progressive political candidates who share my values.
I can fake a smile when my kids are dancing to the Encanto soundtrack for the 75th time today and feel the smile magically start to turn real.
I cannot control how media outlets cover this surge and the click-bait bias toward negative stories.
I can give myself alternatives to doomscrolling— namely, making Pinterest boards of botanical bathroom wallpaper ideas. (I’m gonna need more bathrooms if this pandemic doesn’t end soon.)
I can watch Queer Eye and let Karamo make me cry good tears.
I can go for a walk with my phone put away and notice the sky, birds, sidewalks, people, air on my skin.
It’s not revolutionary, but it’s helping me, a little. Is it helpful to you? Are there any other little tricks you’ve found effective for sanity-preservation these days? Please share!